08/10/08

Did dishes, laundry and grocery shopping. Dinner was chicken salad with romaine lettuce, baby carrots, tomatoes, celery, and the left over baked chicken breasts I made on Friday, with ranch dressing. Surprisingly enough James liked it and ate well. It's always a small success to make something that he'll actually eat. I don't understand it. I look at eating with Venus in Virgo. You eat balanced meals because your body needs fuel. If it can be tasty then that's hip. But it has to be nutritious or it is illogical. Like sex is something to be engaged in to stay well rounded and tension free.

Since there wasn't a hue and cry from the family about my blog I figure they are not reading it. Some folks (read those with Mercury in Scorpio) are all protective of their 'secrets'. When I think THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE.

People who are in a relationship where deeply personal subjects are not discussed, the truth of one's motivations isn't out in the open, are a false relationship. How can someone say they love another person and then not be able to tell or hear the truth? What's going on? I'd rather tell the one I'm involved with all the details in my head about the relationship. That way they can never say "You never told me that.". I put it in writing so I can point to an email and say "It was there in print.". It's a scary way to deal with relationships because you have to value your own beliefs more than you value the relationship's longevity.

I'll repeat myself. I'd rather be alone, unloved by a mate, than to have to live a lie.

I'd wince and grieve a lost relationship for a bit. Boo hoo and write in my journal and then GET OVER IT.

If I were in a relationship where I had to live a lie I'd hate myself every dang day. I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror while brushing my teeth because I'm living a lie. Each time I'm asked "How was your day?" or "How you doing?" that big unspoken topic would be on the tip of my tongue. The elephant in the living room, farting farts that are visible.

What I don't believe in is addressing issues when during an intimate moment. Always address dicey issues with your clothes on, preferably with your shoes on and your coat and keys by the door in case you need to walk out the door to prevent committing violence. That's just being prudent.

But if you can't share simple truths with the person that you're with then the whole relationship has to be reevaluated. Now I know there's some other things to consider, like how much money is involved in a split that might happen if you really spoke your mind. Or if you're the one who will end up in hospital with two black eyes. In the first case of excess communal resources a lawyer and an accountant should be in your corner. In the case of being with a batterer a quiet, sneaky, get-away to parts unknown, leaving only a sandwich wrapped in a roadmap pointing in another direction on the kitchen table, is the prudent move.

But poor folks, who aren't into violence, have the easiest path to breaking up. What's to argue over, milk crates full of used paper backs, old VCR tapes, who gets the good fry pan? The less material resources involved the easier the split. That's why I'm glad that I don't own a home, nor a vehicle, nor have shared stock and all those other things that would stand in my way of speaking my mind. I'm one of those poor folks who can move in a minute if I have to, and I've had to in my life, a couple of times.

So for those who are living a lie, remember, the truth will set you free. The truth is novel. It's used so seldom it causes a brain scramble in the listener. It's also something you don't have to work hard to remember, it is the truth after all. Tell one lie and you have to tell ten to cover it up and then the lies just multiply.

I wonder when you withhold the truth from someone you are trying to love if it blocks other things, like compassion, empathy, tolerance? It's an interesting question. Like the deadly sins, involve yourself with one and the others slide on into your life. I wonder what keeps people from telling the truth? Do they fear that "others" would think bad of them? That's stupid because "other people" don't look back at you when you brush your teeth. Do they fear hurting the other person who is unwilling to hear the truth, or hears the truth and cops a fit? Well how much more do you hurt them by lying to them, every day? How does that effect your spirit?  I also wonder about those who live with people who lie or withhold the truth from them. I wonder if they are numbing down their intuitive abilities. If they are in such a state of denial do they dampen their own natural psychic abilities, which everyone has in one way of another?

Also there's the issue of fairness. If person A believes the lies that person B tells them, or is lead to believe things didn't happen, when they did, by avoiding the truth, then person A is denied the right to make a choice based on reality. That seems unfair to me. It's like a contract made in bad faith. A con job. Nothing good comes from lies and hiding the truth, because when the truth comes out and it will, because truth stands and lies fade, then all the time that was spent living under false assumptions would have been wasted time. Life is short enough it's a shame to waste the time one has by the actions or inactions of another who couldn't face the music of their actions.

It's cowardly, lies. It means that what you did you can't own up to, publically. If you can't stand the heat, then hey, don't set your pants on fire, ok? If you don't want to tell someone the truth, because they can't handle the truth, then that's someone you really don't need to be wasting any more time with. It sure does separate the sheep from the goats. Can they handle who you really are, or are they needing you to mold yourself into a vision of who they want you to be, but you can't? Been there, done that, bought the T-Shirt, gave it to goodwill. Stick a fork in me, I'm done with molding myself into an impossible vision of what the other person wants me to be. I'm like a game of golf, play the ball where it lays. I'm an As-Is item.

Now I don't believe that truth needs to be shared shorn of tact and diplomacy. That's just mean spirited. There's no winners or losers when truth is shared with each person admitting to their involvement. What has to be carefully handled is to avoid "praise/blame" and "would-a-could-a-should-a".  One can tell the truth and still be kind in the process. Now if the listener wants to argue, cast aspersions, that's understandable because expectations based on falsehood will lead to disappointment when the truth is revealed. Enough of that will lead to someone copping a fit, ergo the clothes on, shoes on, jacket and keys by the door, for the quick get-away should things turn ugly. But the longer the lies go the uglier it will get.  

I've written for an hour and there's still web work to do before I fall out.