08/10/08

50 Cent's Natal Chart The fire at his home has been in the news. Good enough reason to check his chart. The consensus here with the family is that 50 Cent didn't set fire to his own home. He has Sun and Saturn in Cancer. I can see him getting mad about stuff with Mars opposed Uranus, but his anger history has been towards other rappers. Not much said about him setting fire to homes with his baby momma and son on board.

Venus squared Saturn transit, got me down. I'm glad it's a short transit because I'm tired of typing stuff and deleting it.

06-01-08: Rather than suffer the Venus squared Saturn transit alone I had a long heart to heart talk with the hubs. I feel better now, Bronze the day. My hut is not on fire. His distraction is fading with the light of reality. But we are moving in different directions. So it was sad but peaceful. This is the wheel for my transits right now so I can check them out later.

06-01-08: Watching "Alone in the Dark" which is not the most engaging movie. I'm only watching it because Christian Slater is in it. Here's his natal chart. Sun squared Neptune, Mercury Squared Mars, ergo problems with substances and anger management. Otherwise it's not a bad chart. I guess that's why he can have a career, make loads of money, screw up, and still keep on trucking. I keep on forgetting that he's born one day after me, not the same year of course. Here's his IMDb page. 

Universal Studios had a fire "It looked like a disaster film," said Los Angeles City Councilman Tom LaBonge.". Is it just me or do other people get upset when people refer to life as being "just like a movie"? I can't count how many times I've heard that from people being interviewed at a scene of a crime or some natural disaster, "It was just like a movie."  Life is life, disasters in life are real, movies simulate violence, natural disasters, all sorts of horrors and that's not real.

I think that people walking around listening to their Ipods are pretending to be in their own movie. They choose the Itunes they want to hear as the background music to their own private movie. Are our lives so dull that we need to pretend that we're a movie star?

Thicker Than Water: From two generations of the Packer family, four very different writers emerged What a delicious read. In looking back at my family life reading was something I knew mom did, but it was all in Japanese, nothing that we could share with her unless she told us some story. I remember her telling us about a fiction book on Eskimos, while we were sitting around the kitchen table, her weaving this cold and snowy tale, and we were wearing summer clothing. I remember shivering with her descriptions.

Art and literature were things that people with money could indulge in, it seemed in my youth. I graduated from being an avid comic book reader to being a library criminal. I would hold on to books so long it would cost my family too much money to give the books back. We moved almost every year so it was a new library that I would end up abusing. The library was one of the places I could escape a tempestuous family life, that and the nearest church.

I remember wanting to know what the next line was after "Romeo, Romeo, wherefor art thou, Romeo?"  So many kids would say that line and I wanted to be the only one who would reply, " Deny thy father and refuse thy name; Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love
And I'll no longer be a Capulet." and they would say "Huh?". When I asked the librarian where Romeo and Juliet was located she asked me how old I was. I was 9. She had this look on her face like I was too young to be asking for Shakespeare. "Willy the Shake" was my nick name for him when I finally got to study him in college. Said was around 2 years old so I must have been around 31.  "W the S" the nick name got shorter as I took notes in class. Used to sell my notes to those who would cut class. That always made me blink. Why pay the money, buy the books, and not show up for class?

Being poor made making money and having things that money can buy seem most important when I was growing up. I couldn't and still can't get all worked up about making money. That's the reason why I'm dragging my feet about setting up e-commerce to sell my clay stuff. I'm an artist not a merchant. I need a manager and people to delegate the packing and posting, the accounting and all that other stuff that surrounds selling stuff. It's not that I can't do those things it's just that the folks I'd hire would be the folks who can't do what I do, create things. That's the trick of it, ya know? Everyone doing what they can do.

I had hoped that James would get interested in doing the eBay thing with my art work. That he'd look at it as another game online with the payback being in green backs. But he wasn't interested in helping in that way. My sons weren't interested in getting boxes to the post office. Like the little red hen it's up to me to do everything and I'm just not feeling enthusiastic about the business of business. It gets in the way of creative energy because it uses up the other side of my brain. I'm in a situation that forces me to do what I don't really want to do. I hate not having a choice, but it's better than billions of other humans on this planet have to choose from so I can't complain too much. It's a waste of brain energy to complain about things that are out of one's control.

Signing up for the Woman's Initiative is the first out of house business activity I have planned. I figure a structured environment that is geared to minority women with low income to start a business seems like it was tailor made for me. I'm a little older than the average woman who takes those classes. Economically and ethnically I'm right in there with the other women of color who are poor and have to figure out how to make money.
 

Who knows, it just might work out to my benefit. To become financially independent, cut him loose to let him find himself, move forward with the rest of my life. I've already found myself. Now I just have to market my artwork that is an outcome of expressing the self I found. Who knows, I might be happier single, free to come and go as I please, as I like to remind myself, there's things worse than being alone.

Tomorrow I start going back to the gym, every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I've missed months of work outs because of web host, website, and computer wrestling. I got to put energy into myself if I'm going to be the only one looking out for myself. I missed my work outs and I know that no matter what happens, the winds can howl, the earth quake can toss everything into the sea, if you got your health you have everything.