11/02/08

Milly helped get me to the 8am initial interview with the recruiter, whose agency is located where public transit does not run. I can't thank Milly enough for dropping me off and picking me up because it would have cost buckets full of dollars to take a cab and it would have taken hours of hoofing it if I walked from the train station.

The recruiter didn't remember we set the appointment for 8am. I got there before 8am and she showed up late. She didn't remember that she contacted me, I didn't contact her. When she asked about my tech background her eyes glazed like donuts when I explained something simple like a java applet or using FrontPage. How can you interview folks for jobs when you don't understand what they know?

When she asked me why I applied I replied, "Let me answer a question with a question: Why did you contact me? What was it about my resume that made you think that your agency could possibly make money by placing me on a long term contract position?" She was taken aback because I cut to the chase. Candidates who are placed in contract positions make money for the agency day by day. We are the resources. The recruiters like to make job seekers think that they are doing us a favor, but the truth of the matter is without candidates the agencies will not make any money. Know your worth, job seekers, when working with employment agencies.

Suffice it to say I don't believe that recruiter will find me a foot in the door at the bio-tech firm she dangles out on job boards as "bait" for qualified candidates to find her. She said that when certain terms come up like "PowerPoint" she gathers those admin resumes. PowerPoint is so easy it should be illegal. What admin doesn't know how to figure out PowerPoint?

She obviously didn't review my resume when she did her search bot sweep of Monster.com. There is no job for a Senior Admin Assistant at the bio-tech firm that she promotes. It's a way to net candidates that she can bundle and then send to that bio-tech firm and maybe they will have a position available. It's a falsehood to say that there is a job and no job exists. It's an early trick for trick or treat.

What I did over the week end was to apply directly to big named firms in the bay area. If I fail on my own then I accept that. I at least didn't waste my time trying to talk a recruiter into trying to place me. A firm will save money by taking me on as a temp, running me through a temp firm they have a good relationship with (read cheap fees). That's how I got my last temp position, through an in house referral and then I was assigned a temp agency.

I did not name the bio-tech firm, nor the agency that this too young recruiter works for, because I don't want this page to show up when those firm's names are done in a search.

The initial interview was a dress rehearsal. I know now I have to organize my job seeking outfits and get a new pair of interview shoes. I need to cut my hair, the dye job I got from Denise in Texas last Thanksgiving has grown out. I will continue to send out job applications and see what God sends to me. Because HE knows that I need financial independence.

I do feel an upsurge of spiritual energy, like what I'm doing to liberate myself from a dysfunctional and broken marriage, is the right thing to do. It has been difficult, spiritually, these last 12 years, because my soon to be ex-husband has issues with his religious past. I've had to keep my beliefs to myself because I don't want to argue what isn't up for negotiation. Spirituality and religion are two different things. One can be a believer and not buy into the dogma of an organization that has been created by an imperfect human. I am feeling determined and positive. Negative thoughts never helped anyone.

So the plan is to look for work while chipping away at the e-commerce web section. Upgrade my skill set by doing the tutorials in the Word 2007 package, up my typing speed and accuracy. I even taught myself 10 key by touch this week end, not fast yet, but I'm aiming for accuracy before speed at this point.

In a weird way I have gone through my loss and grief process while he is ping ponging between homes. When he is moved out I don't think I'm going to go through a lot of emotional changes. My plan is to be on a path, moving forward, and when he is gone it just gives me more time, energy, and less drama to contend with.

I don't worry about not being loved. I feel a great deal of love from my sons, my friends, from my team mates on COCModSquad, from the ClayMates on COC. I got love coming in.

I don't feel it necessary to rue my age. I lived to tell the tale. I out lived many of my friends and cohorts. I have four grown sons and 5 grand children. My DNA is splashed out into the gene pool. I have to remember that 75% of the population of the world do not live as long as I have lived, do not have a bed to sleep in, a roof over their heads, or a cupboard to store their clothing. I have to remember that until recently living to my age would be considered a long life and if one died at 59 it would not be considered an early death. I have to remember that where ever my life takes me I am responsible for my sense of self worth, of center, and spiritual balance. No human, outside of me, can control my faith or optimism. My carbon foot print is small, comparatively speaking in an American urban setting. I know I don't require much to be happy.

Peace is the main requisite for my being happy. I will be peaceful when James goes off and focuses on the new life he is bringing into an uncertain world. He will be on his own path. I will follow my path. The only thing that needs to be acknowledged is our paths have diverged. I have accepted my new path, knowing in my heart of hearts that God is guiding my life and I accept the challenges HE brings to me.